Royal Announcements

King Richard has just attempted his first solo live feed from this blog to all his followers.

The Freetannian Broadcasting Corporation would like to apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Cre8_Urself

In order to assist King Richard with his 'youth image' (or lack thereof) Royal Entertainers Comic Character Creations attended Cre8_Urself, a unique careers event for teenagers across Brent at the Granville Plus Youth Arts Centre in Kilburn.

The focus was specifically on realistic routes into the creative arts industries and how social disadvantage should not be a barrier to sustainable creativity.

Several young people expressed an interest in work experience in Freetannia which is being seriously considered by Minister of Culture Barbie Lee.



CCC have now recommended that His Majesty position himself as DJ Dickie or rapper HisMaj to appeal to the youth of Freetannia.

King Richard says he will take this under advisement.

Freetannia relocating tomorrow!

Look out Milton Keynes! The Freetannians are coming!

'Allotmenteers' flee UK for Freetannia

A group of fugitive allotment enthusiasts ('allotmenteers') spent some time in hiding in Milton Keynes on Sunday before fleeing the UK for Freetannia. The group had previously been involved in aggressive and sustained horticulture in Hackney, East London before being evicted due to a compulsory purchase order connected to the 2012 Olympics. The MK authorities became briefly concerned when the group attempted a 'mass planting' of cabbage seeds in the main shopping area on Sunday but found they had fled when a security patrol was dispatched. The group are thought to be linked to another 'mass planting' event in London which may have seen the Olympic site sown with thousands of sycamore seeds – though this has yet to be proven. Sycamore is a virile and fast-growing tree which can cause extensive root damage to foundations and planting it is illegal in the UK. It is thought that the group fled to Freetannia where allotment legislation is more liberal.

Sleepwalkers inadvertently invade MK

On Sunday three apparently sleepwalking Freetannian citizens inadvertently crossed into Milton Keynes causing puzzlement and hilarity when they appeared in MK's shopping district. The sleepwalkers, one man wearing a scarlet union suit, with bowler hat and pipe and two women still in nightclothes stood out starkly against the workaday MK crowds. Reactions varied from amusement to puzzlement and trepidation as the trio dreamt their way through the busy MK thoroughfare. Luckily no-one was injured and all made their way safely back to Freetannia without waking. A Freetannian spokesman said yesterday that the event was technically 'invasion' as the three crossed without passports or ID, but the incident had been smoothed over after the personal intervention of Freetannian monarch, King 'Dickie' Frobisher.

Marys' MK Mission to halt Flasher Initiative

The expected, if little publicised, visit of the Freetannian Flashing Team to Milton Keynes on Friday caused mixed reactions – and a degree of panic. Few are aware of the status of flashing in Freetannia as a national sport as opposed to a sociopathic nuisance. This arises from the fact that Freetannian flashers are specially bred for a hairier than normal physique such that 'privates' remain private and thus no offence is given – at least on their home ground.

Playing 'away' however is often a different game and the team were expecting some degree of resistance. All in all, things went better than planned and the public response was, on the whole, a positive one of surprised amusement, outright hilarity and calls for 'more'. This said however, there were also the expected negative responses and, at one stage, police and security staff were called upon to intervene. Judiciously however, the team had previously spoken to the police confirming the official status of the visit and the fact that the team were sufficiently hairy to avoid breaking any decency laws, thus heading off any possible diplomatic incident.

The controversy surrounding the visit was heightened to some degree by several complaints – most notably by an anonymous caller identifying himself only as 'Normal' of Milton Keynes. Annoyed at the lack of local police and security response, the complainant contacted the Freetannian 'Mary Whitehouses' – a group of Freetannian women campaigning against all forms of 'smut' and taking their name from the famous British campaigner of the 1960s and '70. Freetannian sources confirm that three 'Marys' were immediately dispatched in a cross-border attempt to, as they put it, 'avoid the moral contamination of Milton Keynes'. By the time they arrived however, the Flashing team had already returned home and a subsequent 'Marys' patrol revealed nothing out of the ordinary.

In a statement 'Normal' said: 'I can't stand this sort of thing. These people aren't normal. Milton Keynes is a normal town with normal people doing normal things. People come from all over the world to see Milton Keynes because its normal. I want it to stay that way. He further criticised police and security staff saying 'people are taking photographs and laughing and doing all sorts of weird things and these guys are just standing by and letting it happen. The town is being allowed to fall to pieces.'

A police spokesman admitted there has been a rise in public photography incidents mainly attributable to Freetannian immigrants and the radical group MKFringe, known to have links to 'Mrs Smith'.

Noble Peace Prize

King Richard has just awarded himself the Noble Peace Prize for 'uninterrupted peace in Freetannia' (despite regular border skirmishes with Milton Kenyans), a feat unrivalled by any country apart from Vatican City.

Noble Prize for Literature

Newsflash! King Richard has also just awarded himself the Noble Prize for Literature.

Grand Book Prize

King Richard has created the Grand Book Prize in response to being snubbed by the Man Booker Prize.

Last night He presented Himself with the inaugural award for Thrashings From My Father.

Bookies favourite was Freetannia: My Struggle.

Freetannian Alien Spotters target MK

An alien 'shopper' is inexplicably drawn towards the group, sensing their empathy.

A team of alien spotters from Freetannia hit the ground in MK on Tuesday in a sweep for a suspected alien influx. Freetannia's own branch of SETI (Search For Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) is keen to establish good relations with alien civilisations. King 'Dickie' Frobisher is reported to be keen to expand the microstate's influence into deep space and feels that there is potential for trade. Recently he remarked that Freetannia is keen to acquire an alien fusion reactor and could possibly trade tea and biscuits in return – which are thought to be scarce beyond the orbit of Pluto.

The team, using special scanners, reported that they were successful in identifying a substantial number of aliens though most were disguised as MK shoppers. The team leader commented “There are certainly a lot of very odd people around and some of them are definitely aliens”. A Milton Keynes Council source refused to comment on how many aliens occupied local council seats but one resident admitted “they're definitely from another planet”. The sweep continues.

They walk amongst us.

Freetannia learns from MK's 3D Cinema

Freetannians benefit hugely from the microstate's willingness to apply leading-edge science in the public sphere – men can become pregnant and flashers, shunned in many countries, have a status akin to Morris dancers in Freetannia due to genetic modifications which render them more furry than frightening. Nevertheless, one technological advance which as eluded Freetannians thus far is the concept of 3D cinema.

King Richard Frobisher has engaged a team of experts to look into this and last week a test audience was sent to MK to experience it directly. This puzzled the MK authorities somewhat, since Milton Keynes distinctly lacks a 3D cinema. However, the Freetannian scientific team had been struck by the fact that 3D audiences often report the experience as 'seeming real' or 'as if you were in the film'. The team therefore dispatched the test audience to the shopping centre in Milton Keynes on the basis that a similarly 3D experience would be had, saving much-needed research funds in the process.

This proved successful. After some time watching the to-ing and fro-ing of the MK public the test audience reported that it did in fact 'seem real' and they had the distinct impression of actually being there. “Quite scary really, especially when they come straight at you” remarked one audience member.

Furry Flashers Foster Friendship

from 'The Stun' newspaper



Queen Daphne of Freetannia was appalled recently to learn that flashing had a bad press in Milton Keynes and in the UK generally – so much so that she has personally commanded a visit of the Freetannian State Flashing Team to MK to raise the sport's image.

Unlike the UK, Freetannia has always tolerated flashing and Freetannians feel the activity has come into disrepute chiefly due to the nakedness of UK practitioners. “In Freetannia flashing is more of a hobby” explained the Queen. “We solved the nastiness long ago using GM techniques that have allowed us to breed an altogether more hirsute individual and this has resulted in a much more acceptable 'flash' though it's still something of a surprise to the uninitiated”. The development of the “hairy flasher” has proved an unexpected bonus for Freetannian hairdressers with most shops claiming a 50-60% rise in custom. One barber commented however that it was important to choose a barber with “good eyesight and a steady scissor hand”.

The team is due to visit MK on Friday this week.

Freetannian Super Tart-up puts MK in the Frame

The continuing influx of Freetannian tourists to MK continued unabated last week with the visit of three Freetannian 'ladies' to the lights of 'downtown' MK on Thursday. Discrete enquiries suggest that this is an attempt by the Freetannian government at soft diplomacy – hoping to cement the special relationship via a direct approach to MK men using a 'Mata Hari' tactic. The 'ladies' themselves (Yvette, Yvonne and Yvailable) denied any such link, claiming they were merely Freetannian tourists whose visit had been prompted by tourist tales of the sophisticated charm of the MK male. Alas it seems their quest was doomed to failure, with most local men overcome by an inexplicable coyness when faced by these exotic Freetannian beauties.

Also on Thursday, Freetannian exports to MK were hit when delivery men were unable to find the purchaser of a large ornate picture frame. The delivery men approached numerous individuals in and around the shopping centre without success.

Tourism was again in the frame on Friday when Vicar George Simper and his wife visited MK for a spot of shopping tourism. The Rev. George met his wife Barbie (previously Barbie Lee, a well known z-movie actress) in the 'States before both became naturalised Freetannian citizens. The visit was a low key affair during which the couple strolled around MK smiling and chatting with local residents before posing for photographs with a local reporter. Questioned about her thigh-high lace-up boots and short skirt, Barbie remarked that these were a concession to her husband, hiding her legs, which he felt were a distraction to vulnerable men, particularly in Milton Keynes.

Again on Friday, the citizens of Milton Keynes found themselves under special protection with the arrival of the SuperEuros! Crime fled the streets as these well-muscled, limber young heroes braved the dark alleys and deserted underpasses of MK. “We're always here” said EuroMan, his broad chested masculinity poised like a shield against the threatening MK night. His colleague, EuroGirl, took a moment to remind citizens that services such as theirs were paid for by European taxes saying “Remember! People like you pay for people like us!” The pair took pains to assure citizens that there was no emergency, asserting that the visit was merely a “routine patrol”. MK youth seemed particularly enamoured of the SuperEuros and were eager to chat and ask questions – there were cheers and shouts of “Legend!” from locals fans as EuroMan and EuroGirl took off en-route to Belgium to quell a comedy outbreak.

Freetannia loses Olympic Bid

Brazil will become the first South American country to host the Olympics after the city of Rio de Janeiro was chosen to stage the 2016 Games.

Rio won a majority of the 95 votes at the meeting in Copenhagen, eliminating Madrid in the final round. Freetannia, Milton Keynes and Chicago had already been knocked out.

"The world has recognised that the time has come for Brazil," said President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva.

Freetannia's early exit was a surprise, after bookmakers made them favourites.

King Richard had flown to Denmark on Friday morning to join his wife, Daphne, and make an emotional address to the International Olympic Committee delegates.

But the gesture - the first time a reigning monarch had addressed the IOC in an attempt to win the Games - failed to persuade the voters as Freetannia became the first city to see its dream of hosting the biggest sporting event in the world fall by the wayside.

Speaking to reporters at Fruckingham Palace on his return, King Richard said he wished he had come back with better news, but congratulated Brazil for a "truly historic" win.

"As friends to the Brazilian people, we welcome this extraordinary sign of progress," he said.

The president said he had no doubt that Freetannia's bid had been the strongest possible, could not be prouder of the city, and insisted that he had no regrets about travelling to Denmark.

"I believe it is always a worthwhile endeavour to promote and boost The Sovereign State of Freetannia," he added.

'Heart and soul'

Freetannia received only 1 of the 94 votes available in the first round poll of IOC delegates at the Bella Convention Centre on Friday afternoon. Madrid came out top with 28, followed by Rio on 26.

In Freetannia, which had believed it would be a finalist, several stood in silence in the city centre after it became the first to be eliminated.

"We fought a good fight and I am very proud of the team and the campaign. I have no idea why we went out so early. The IOC members will have to ask themselves that question," said Freetannia bid chief Daphne Frobisher.

Freetannia bid chief Daphne Frobisher in her Olympic glory days.