Sleepwalkers inadvertently invade MK

On Sunday three apparently sleepwalking Freetannian citizens inadvertently crossed into Milton Keynes causing puzzlement and hilarity when they appeared in MK's shopping district. The sleepwalkers, one man wearing a scarlet union suit, with bowler hat and pipe and two women still in nightclothes stood out starkly against the workaday MK crowds. Reactions varied from amusement to puzzlement and trepidation as the trio dreamt their way through the busy MK thoroughfare. Luckily no-one was injured and all made their way safely back to Freetannia without waking. A Freetannian spokesman said yesterday that the event was technically 'invasion' as the three crossed without passports or ID, but the incident had been smoothed over after the personal intervention of Freetannian monarch, King 'Dickie' Frobisher.

Marys' MK Mission to halt Flasher Initiative

The expected, if little publicised, visit of the Freetannian Flashing Team to Milton Keynes on Friday caused mixed reactions – and a degree of panic. Few are aware of the status of flashing in Freetannia as a national sport as opposed to a sociopathic nuisance. This arises from the fact that Freetannian flashers are specially bred for a hairier than normal physique such that 'privates' remain private and thus no offence is given – at least on their home ground.

Playing 'away' however is often a different game and the team were expecting some degree of resistance. All in all, things went better than planned and the public response was, on the whole, a positive one of surprised amusement, outright hilarity and calls for 'more'. This said however, there were also the expected negative responses and, at one stage, police and security staff were called upon to intervene. Judiciously however, the team had previously spoken to the police confirming the official status of the visit and the fact that the team were sufficiently hairy to avoid breaking any decency laws, thus heading off any possible diplomatic incident.

The controversy surrounding the visit was heightened to some degree by several complaints – most notably by an anonymous caller identifying himself only as 'Normal' of Milton Keynes. Annoyed at the lack of local police and security response, the complainant contacted the Freetannian 'Mary Whitehouses' – a group of Freetannian women campaigning against all forms of 'smut' and taking their name from the famous British campaigner of the 1960s and '70. Freetannian sources confirm that three 'Marys' were immediately dispatched in a cross-border attempt to, as they put it, 'avoid the moral contamination of Milton Keynes'. By the time they arrived however, the Flashing team had already returned home and a subsequent 'Marys' patrol revealed nothing out of the ordinary.

In a statement 'Normal' said: 'I can't stand this sort of thing. These people aren't normal. Milton Keynes is a normal town with normal people doing normal things. People come from all over the world to see Milton Keynes because its normal. I want it to stay that way. He further criticised police and security staff saying 'people are taking photographs and laughing and doing all sorts of weird things and these guys are just standing by and letting it happen. The town is being allowed to fall to pieces.'

A police spokesman admitted there has been a rise in public photography incidents mainly attributable to Freetannian immigrants and the radical group MKFringe, known to have links to 'Mrs Smith'.

Noble Peace Prize

King Richard has just awarded himself the Noble Peace Prize for 'uninterrupted peace in Freetannia' (despite regular border skirmishes with Milton Kenyans), a feat unrivalled by any country apart from Vatican City.

Noble Prize for Literature

Newsflash! King Richard has also just awarded himself the Noble Prize for Literature.

Grand Book Prize

King Richard has created the Grand Book Prize in response to being snubbed by the Man Booker Prize.

Last night He presented Himself with the inaugural award for Thrashings From My Father.

Bookies favourite was Freetannia: My Struggle.

Freetannian Alien Spotters target MK

An alien 'shopper' is inexplicably drawn towards the group, sensing their empathy.

A team of alien spotters from Freetannia hit the ground in MK on Tuesday in a sweep for a suspected alien influx. Freetannia's own branch of SETI (Search For Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) is keen to establish good relations with alien civilisations. King 'Dickie' Frobisher is reported to be keen to expand the microstate's influence into deep space and feels that there is potential for trade. Recently he remarked that Freetannia is keen to acquire an alien fusion reactor and could possibly trade tea and biscuits in return – which are thought to be scarce beyond the orbit of Pluto.

The team, using special scanners, reported that they were successful in identifying a substantial number of aliens though most were disguised as MK shoppers. The team leader commented “There are certainly a lot of very odd people around and some of them are definitely aliens”. A Milton Keynes Council source refused to comment on how many aliens occupied local council seats but one resident admitted “they're definitely from another planet”. The sweep continues.

They walk amongst us.

Freetannia learns from MK's 3D Cinema

Freetannians benefit hugely from the microstate's willingness to apply leading-edge science in the public sphere – men can become pregnant and flashers, shunned in many countries, have a status akin to Morris dancers in Freetannia due to genetic modifications which render them more furry than frightening. Nevertheless, one technological advance which as eluded Freetannians thus far is the concept of 3D cinema.

King Richard Frobisher has engaged a team of experts to look into this and last week a test audience was sent to MK to experience it directly. This puzzled the MK authorities somewhat, since Milton Keynes distinctly lacks a 3D cinema. However, the Freetannian scientific team had been struck by the fact that 3D audiences often report the experience as 'seeming real' or 'as if you were in the film'. The team therefore dispatched the test audience to the shopping centre in Milton Keynes on the basis that a similarly 3D experience would be had, saving much-needed research funds in the process.

This proved successful. After some time watching the to-ing and fro-ing of the MK public the test audience reported that it did in fact 'seem real' and they had the distinct impression of actually being there. “Quite scary really, especially when they come straight at you” remarked one audience member.