'Allotmenteers' flee UK for Freetannia

A group of fugitive allotment enthusiasts ('allotmenteers') spent some time in hiding in Milton Keynes on Sunday before fleeing the UK for Freetannia. The group had previously been involved in aggressive and sustained horticulture in Hackney, East London before being evicted due to a compulsory purchase order connected to the 2012 Olympics. The MK authorities became briefly concerned when the group attempted a 'mass planting' of cabbage seeds in the main shopping area on Sunday but found they had fled when a security patrol was dispatched. The group are thought to be linked to another 'mass planting' event in London which may have seen the Olympic site sown with thousands of sycamore seeds – though this has yet to be proven. Sycamore is a virile and fast-growing tree which can cause extensive root damage to foundations and planting it is illegal in the UK. It is thought that the group fled to Freetannia where allotment legislation is more liberal.

Sleepwalkers inadvertently invade MK

On Sunday three apparently sleepwalking Freetannian citizens inadvertently crossed into Milton Keynes causing puzzlement and hilarity when they appeared in MK's shopping district. The sleepwalkers, one man wearing a scarlet union suit, with bowler hat and pipe and two women still in nightclothes stood out starkly against the workaday MK crowds. Reactions varied from amusement to puzzlement and trepidation as the trio dreamt their way through the busy MK thoroughfare. Luckily no-one was injured and all made their way safely back to Freetannia without waking. A Freetannian spokesman said yesterday that the event was technically 'invasion' as the three crossed without passports or ID, but the incident had been smoothed over after the personal intervention of Freetannian monarch, King 'Dickie' Frobisher.

Marys' MK Mission to halt Flasher Initiative

The expected, if little publicised, visit of the Freetannian Flashing Team to Milton Keynes on Friday caused mixed reactions – and a degree of panic. Few are aware of the status of flashing in Freetannia as a national sport as opposed to a sociopathic nuisance. This arises from the fact that Freetannian flashers are specially bred for a hairier than normal physique such that 'privates' remain private and thus no offence is given – at least on their home ground.

Playing 'away' however is often a different game and the team were expecting some degree of resistance. All in all, things went better than planned and the public response was, on the whole, a positive one of surprised amusement, outright hilarity and calls for 'more'. This said however, there were also the expected negative responses and, at one stage, police and security staff were called upon to intervene. Judiciously however, the team had previously spoken to the police confirming the official status of the visit and the fact that the team were sufficiently hairy to avoid breaking any decency laws, thus heading off any possible diplomatic incident.

The controversy surrounding the visit was heightened to some degree by several complaints – most notably by an anonymous caller identifying himself only as 'Normal' of Milton Keynes. Annoyed at the lack of local police and security response, the complainant contacted the Freetannian 'Mary Whitehouses' – a group of Freetannian women campaigning against all forms of 'smut' and taking their name from the famous British campaigner of the 1960s and '70. Freetannian sources confirm that three 'Marys' were immediately dispatched in a cross-border attempt to, as they put it, 'avoid the moral contamination of Milton Keynes'. By the time they arrived however, the Flashing team had already returned home and a subsequent 'Marys' patrol revealed nothing out of the ordinary.

In a statement 'Normal' said: 'I can't stand this sort of thing. These people aren't normal. Milton Keynes is a normal town with normal people doing normal things. People come from all over the world to see Milton Keynes because its normal. I want it to stay that way. He further criticised police and security staff saying 'people are taking photographs and laughing and doing all sorts of weird things and these guys are just standing by and letting it happen. The town is being allowed to fall to pieces.'

A police spokesman admitted there has been a rise in public photography incidents mainly attributable to Freetannian immigrants and the radical group MKFringe, known to have links to 'Mrs Smith'.

Noble Peace Prize

King Richard has just awarded himself the Noble Peace Prize for 'uninterrupted peace in Freetannia' (despite regular border skirmishes with Milton Kenyans), a feat unrivalled by any country apart from Vatican City.